Just one small daily ritual can powerfully rewire not just your relationship with your partner but also your own capacity to give and receive love.
getty
When we think of what makes a relationship special, occasional “big” events might stand out to us. But in reality, what nourishes love most consistently are the small, repeated rituals that reassure your partner, “I see you. You matter to me.”
With just one minute of focused connection in the entire day, partners can strengthen emotional safety and build resilience against the stresses of daily life. All you have to do is take out sixty seconds each day where you pause and give your partner your full, undivided presence. No multitasking, no phone in hand, no rushing. Make a deliberate choice to turn toward each other with openness and warmth.
For instance, you could engage in the following one-minute rituals:
- A minute long hug after a long day at work. Even a 20-second hug can lower cortisol and increase oxytocin, the bonding hormone. In fact, a 2022 study found that women who embraced their partner before a stressful task showed a reduced cortisol response compared to those who didn’t. A full minute of holding one another allows your nervous system to feel more regulated, offering a measurable buffer against stress.
- A moment of gratitude before bed, where each of you shares one thing you appreciated that day. It could be anything, big or small. What matters is consistency. Research shows that couples who regularly practice daily gratitude report greater intimacy and resilience, because appreciation shifts the emotional climate of the relationship from criticism to connection.
- A quick morning check-in. Taking out one minute to ask, “What’s one thing you’re carrying today and how can I support you?” signals care and primes you to see each other as allies throughout the day.
- A silent ritual. For those who prefer more nonverbal connection, this could be holding hands, sitting forehead-to-forehead or even taking a quick breathwork break together. Sometimes, words aren’t necessary to feel each other’s presence.
The one-minute ritual doesn’t need to look the same for every couple. Some prefer silence and touch, while others prefer words. What matters is the intention with which it’s done.
Even if these moments feel nice but trivial at first, this daily practice becomes a tether. It’s a way of saying: “Our connection is not accidental. It’s something we actively protect.”
How Can Just One Minute Rewire A Relationship?
If you’re skeptical, it’s natural to wonder if sixty seconds can really make a difference. However, psychologically and biologically, the answer is yes. Here’s why:
- It’s a reliable “deposit” in your “emotional bank account.” Relationship researcher John Gottman’s decades of research show that small daily interactions or moments of “turning toward” your partner are what keep love thriving. Each positive interaction acts as a deposit in your emotional bank account, while ignoring or dismissing your partner makes a withdrawal. Couples who stay together consistently make far more deposits than withdrawals, often following Gottman’s “magic ratio” of 5 positive interactions to every negative one. A one-minute ritual of connection guarantees at least one daily deposit, helping to keep your account in the black. This also builds resilience for the harder moments.
- It ensures bids for connection don’t get missed. Gottman describes bids as the “fundamental unit of emotional communication.” These look like the small requests for attention, affection or support that partners make dozens of times a day, but often subtly so. How couples respond matters: in Gottman’s Love Lab, couples who stayed together turned toward each other’s bids 86% of the time, while those who divorced did so only 33% of the time. When bids are ignored or rejected, resentment and distance build. A one-minute ritual guarantees at least one bid for connection is noticed and answered every single day, protecting the relationship from the slow erosion of disconnection.
- It’s sustainable and powerful. A one-minute ritual works because it’s a “micro-habit.” It’s too small to fail, yet powerful enough to shift the emotional climate of your relationship. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson’s research shows that even “micro-moments” of positive emotions like love can change the body and brain by broadening our emotional capacity and building long-term relational resources. A sixty-second ritual guarantees at least one such moment daily, compounding love from an occasional feeling into a consistent practice.
Couples who commit to this often find that irritations feel smaller and conflicts repair faster. In the process, intimacy naturally deepens.
How To Make It A Lasting Habit
Of course, knowing about the ritual and actually living it are two different things. Starting this habit is always enthusiastic until the struggle to keep it consistent settles in. The key is to treat it like brushing your teeth — nothing too out of the way, because it’s an ingrained daily habit that acts as basic hygiene for your relationship.
Here are a few ways to make it stick:
- Anchor it to a routine. Tie it to something you already do. Perhaps time it right after brushing your teeth or right before you leave for work. Habits stick best when linked to existing behaviors.
- Keep it pressure-free. This isn’t about saying the perfect words or feeling deeply every time. Some days will feel magical, others mechanical. That’s okay. The ritual works because of its consistency, not because every moment feels profound.
- Protect the time. Life is busy, and small rituals are often the first to get cut. Decide together that even on rushed days, that one minute stays. If one of you forgets, the other can gently initiate: “Want to take our minute now?”
- Adapt it to your needs. For anxious partners, predictability helps, always. So, do it at the same time daily. For avoidant partners, side-by-side rituals may feel a bit safer than face-to-face. For parents, right after kids’ bedtime works best. For long-distance couples, adapt it into a one-minute call, text or voice note. Choose what best fits your lives.
- Expect some awkwardness. Like any new habit, it feels strange until the body truly learns it. Give it two to three weeks before judging the outcome.
The ritual itself is simple. The transformation comes from what it symbolizes. That is – prioritizing and nurturing your love by choosing to connect despite your long day at work, or other stressors and commitments.
A relationship doesn’t need constant celebrations to feel alive. Sometimes, all it needs is sixty seconds of undivided attention. So tonight, before you start doomscrolling or mindlessly tending to your chores the moment you return home, take out one minute. Look at your partner, reach for their hand, and let them know with your presence that they matter most.
Do you and your partner nurture your relationship, or does it need some more tending to? Take the science-backed Relationship Satisfaction Scale to find out.